Infertility is a deeply personal and challenging journey that affects around 17.5% of the adult population, roughly 1 in 6 people globally, according to World Health Organisation.
Supporting someone struggling with infertility requires sensitivity and empathy.
While you may not have the perfect words, expressing care and being present can make a significant difference.
This guide explores thoughtful ways to communicate compassion and provide meaningful support to someone navigating fertility challenges.
What to Say and How to Support: General Principles
Before diving into specific examples, it is important to understand some general guidelines for offering support to someone struggling with fertility:
1. Listen More Than You Speak: One of the most valuable things you can do is listen without judgment. Often, people do not need advice – they just need to feel heard and understood.
2. Avoid Clichés: Phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Just relax and it’ll happen” can feel dismissive or frustrating. Stick to genuine expressions of empathy instead.
3. Respect Their Boundaries: Some people are open about their struggles, while others may prefer to keep it private. Follow their lead, do not push them to share more than they are comfortable with.
4. Acknowledge Their Emotions: Infertility can bring up a wide range of emotions. Let them know it is okay to feel whatever they are feeling.
5. Offer Practical Support: Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Offering to help with tasks, attend appointments, or simply be there can mean a lot.
Thoughtful Things to Say to Someone Struggling with Infertility
This deeply personal and often painful experience can evoke feelings of frustration, anxiety, depression, grief, and isolation.
When offering words of comfort and encouragement for someone trying to get pregnant, it is essential to avoid assumptions or cliches.
Focus on listening and validating their emotions – whether you are supporting a bitter infertile friend, couples with fertility sadness, or a mother is encouraging her infertile daughter, etc.
Below are 81 examples of supportive and empathetic things you can say. These statements emphasize understanding, care, and respect for their journey while avoiding potentially hurtful remarks.
Being Present
Even if you do not know exactly what to say, expressing care and a willingness to listen can mean the world to someone feeling isolated by infertility.
- “I’m here to sit with you in this moment.”
- “I’ll be by your side no matter what happens.”
- “I’m not going anywhere – lean on me if you need to.”
- “I’ll be here whether you want to talk or just sit quietly.”
- “You don’t have to explain anything; I’m just here to listen.”
- “I won’t pretend to have advice, but I’m always here to listen.”
Validating Their Feelings
For those going through it, the experience can evoke a complex mix of emotions, including sadness, frustration, shame, and isolation.
Validating their emotions helps them feel seen and heard. Acknowledging their pain without trying to fix it allows them to process their feelings.
- “It’s okay to feel upset and frustrated.”
- “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
- “Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to express them.”
- “You don’t have to pretend everything is fine with me.”
- “This is such a difficult experience; you’re incredibly strong.”
- “You have every right to grieve and feel what you’re feeling.”
- “I feel honored that you trust me enough to share your feelings.”
- “This must be so hard. Please know that it’s okay to feel upset or overwhelmed.”
- “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s completely understandable to feel this way.”
Offering Emotional Support
The right words can help create a safe space for sharing and healing. These phrases emphasize your willingness to provide a supportive presence.
- “If you want to talk, I’m always available.”
- “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- “I’m here for you no matter what you need.”
- “Your emotions matter, and I’m here to listen.”
- “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here for you.”
- “If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here.”
- “I’m not here to offer solutions, just my love and support.”
- “I don’t have the right words, but I care about you deeply.”
- “Even if there’s nothing I can say, I want to be here for you.”
- “I won’t give you false hope, but I will give you my support.”
- “I can see how much this means to you, and I’m here for you.”
- “Your struggle is not invisible to me, I’m here to cheer you on.”
- “You’re not alone in this. I’m here to support you however I can.”
Expressing Empathy
Empathy is the foundation of any supportive interaction. It is not about fixing the problem or providing answers – it is about acknowledging their pain, standing beside them in their struggle, and offering unconditional support.
- “It breaks my heart to see you hurting.”
- “I’m so sorry you’re facing this struggle.”
- “I wish things were easier for you right now.”
- “I hope you know how much I care about you.”
- “You don’t deserve to go through something so hard.”
- “I can see how much this is weighing on you, and I’m so sorry.”
Acknowledging Their Journey
A kind, supportive word can make a profound difference. You can show that you care, and affirm their experience without crossing boundaries or making assumptions.
- “I’m amazed by your resilience.”
- “Your determination is remarkable.”
- “I’m here to walk alongside you in this journey.”
- “I see how hard you’re trying, and it’s inspiring.”
- “I admire your courage in facing something so difficult.”
- “Infertility is a tough thing to face; I admire your strength.”
- “The amount of effort you’re putting into this is incredible.”
- “You’re fighting so hard for something you truly care about.”
- “I see how much this means to you, and I’m rooting for you.”
- “This process is challenging, and you’re handling it with so much grace.”
Tailoring Your Words to Their Journey
Infertility experiences vary widely, and so do people’s emotional responses.
Some individuals may be in the early stages of trying to conceive, while others may be navigating medical treatments or considering alternative paths like adoption or surrogacy.
Tailor your words to where they are in their journey:
Early Stages –
- “I hope this process brings you the outcome you’re hoping for. I’m here for you every step of the way.”
Medical Treatments –
- “I can only imagine how exhausting this process must be. You’re so strong for going through this.”
Exploring Alternatives –
- “Whatever path you choose, I’ll be here to support you.”
Offering Encouragement
Sometimes, dealing with infertility when “everyone” else is getting pregnant may cause disappointment and emotions to kick in. Here are some words to encourage someone going through infertility:
- “Your perseverance is inspiring.”
- “You are worthy of love and support.”
- “You’re handling this with such grace.”
- “Your journey is important, and so are you.”
- “You’re not giving up, and that’s incredible.”
- “I believe in your ability to get through this.”
- “No matter what, you’re doing an amazing job.”
- “You are strong, even if you don’t feel it right now.”
- “I’m proud of how you’re navigating such a tough time.”
- “You’re allowed to feel hopeful, even in hard moments.”
Offering Hope Without Pressure
Offering hope can be powerful, but it is important to avoid unrealistic promises or putting pressure on them to “stay positive.”
- “You’re not defined by this struggle.”
- “I hope brighter days are ahead for you.”
- “You are more than your fertility journey.”
- “I believe in you and your ability to get through this.”
- “The future might hold unexpected blessings for you.”
- “Your strength will carry you through this difficult time.”
- “It’s okay to hold onto hope, even if things feel uncertain.”
- “No matter what happens, I know you’ll find joy in your future.”
- “Your future is bright, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.”
- “I admire your strength and resilience during such a difficult time.”
Encouraging Self-Care
- “It’s okay to take time for yourself.”
- “You deserve to rest and recharge.”
- “You don’t have to push yourself too hard.”
- “This is a lot to handle – be kind to yourself.”
- “You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.”
- “It’s okay to take breaks when you need them.”
- “You deserve compassion – from yourself and others.”
- “Give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel.”
- “Taking care of your mental health is so important right now.”
- “It’s okay to step away from anything that feels too overwhelming.”
Offering Practical Support
- “You can always count on me for support.”
- “Please let me know how I can support you.”
- “Let me know if there’s anything practical I can do to help.”
- “I know there’s no easy answer, but I’m here to help however I can.”
What to Avoid Saying
When someone is coping with infertility, they often feel vulnerable and exposed. Simple remarks that dismiss their feelings, offer unsolicited advice, or oversimplify the situation can deepen their sense of isolation.
So, knowing what NOT to say is just as important as knowing what to say.
The wrong ones, even if well-intentioned, can unintentionally cause pain.
Here are the worst things to say to someone struggling with infertility, and why they can be harmful:
1. “Just relax, and it’ll happen.” – This oversimplifies the situation and implies they are at fault for their struggles.
2. “Have you tried [specific treatment or remedy]?” – Unless asked, avoid offering unsolicited advice. They are likely already exploring all their options.
3. “At least you can adopt.” – While adoption is a wonderful path for some, it’s not a solution to infertility and may not align with their goals or feelings.
4. “You’re lucky you don’t have kids yet; they’re so much work!” – Comparing their experience to parenting struggles minimizes their pain and longing.
5. “Everything happens for a reason.” – While intended to comfort, this phrase can feel dismissive of their pain.
How to Support Someone Struggling with Infertility
As a friend, family member, or coworker, knowing how to provide support and comfort can feel daunting.
Words are powerful, but actions can also speak volumes.
Here are a few ways to show support beyond what you say:
1. Be Present: Offer to spend time with them, whether that is going for a walk, sharing a meal, or just sitting together in silence.
2. Respect Their Privacy: If they share their struggles with you, treat their story with confidentiality and sensitivity.
3. Educate Yourself: Learn about infertility and its emotional toll so you can better understand what they are going through.
4. Check In Regularly: A simple “Thinking of you today” message can brighten their day and remind them they’re not alone.
5. Offer Practical Help: If they are undergoing treatment, offer to drive them to appointments or help with chores to ease their burden.
Take Aways: What to Say to Someone Struggling with Fertility
Knowing what to say to someone struggling with infertility can be challenging, but with empathy and a willingness to listen, you can provide meaningful support.
By validating their feelings, offering encouragement, and avoiding harmful clichés, you can create a safe space for them to share their emotions.
Remember, it is not about having the perfect words – it is about showing you care and being present during their journey.
Infertility is a difficult road, but with compassionate friends and loved ones, no one has to walk it alone.
