When someone apologizes for hurting you, it can be difficult to know how to respond.
Whether the apology feels genuine or insufficient, your reaction can shape the future of the relationship.
In these moments, it is important to balance your own feelings with the desire to communicate openly and effectively.
This post explores thoughtful ways to respond when someone says they are sorry – helping you navigate forgiveness, set boundaries, and express your emotions in a way that fosters healing and mutual understanding.
What to Say When Someone Says Sorry for Hurting You
Responding to an apology is a personal decision, and your words should reflect your true feelings while helping both parties move toward resolution.
When someone apologizes for hurting you, your response can vary depending on the situation and the nature of your relationship.
Here are 69 thoughtful and constructive ways to respond to an apology:
1. Acknowledge the Apology
Acknowledging an apology is an important step in maintaining healthy communication and relationships.
By acknowledging an apology, you show that you have heard their effort and respect their willingness to take responsibility.
Examples:
- “I appreciate your apology.”
- “I hear what you are saying, and I appreciate that you took the time to apologize.”
- “I can see that you put thought into your apology, and I appreciate you saying something.”
2. Express Your Feelings
How to respond to an apology when you are still mad or hurt?
And what to say when someone keeps apologizing?
Sharing how you feel allows you to be honest about the impact of their actions while still acknowledging their apology.
These examples allow you to accept or acknowledge his/her apology while being honest and clear about how you feel, encouraging open communication:
- “I appreciate your apology, but the situation really upset me, and I’m still processing my feelings.”
- “I’m glad you apologized. That hurt me more than you might realize, and I’ve been struggling with it.”
- “I’m glad you apologized, but I want you to know that I felt really disappointed and let down by what happened.”
- “I hear your apology, and I want to be honest – that really hurt me, and I’m not sure how to feel right now.”
- “Thank you for apologizing. I’ve been feeling really sad and distant since that incident, and it’s been tough for me.”
- “I appreciate you apologizing, but I felt really betrayed by what happened, and it’s been hard for me to let that go.”
- “It means a lot that you are apologizing. I’ve been feeling really confused and upset about what happened.”
- “Thank you for saying sorry. I’ve been carrying a lot of hurt from that, and it’s been hard for me to move past it.”
3. Ask for Clarification if Needed
This invites a deeper conversation if you are seeking clarity or want to ensure the same issues do not arise again.
These examples encourage an open, constructive conversation while ensuring you gain clarity about what led to the hurtful situation:
- “I hear your apology, but can we talk about what led to this? I want to understand better.”
- “I’m glad you apologized, but I need to know why you did what you did. Can you explain it to me?”
- “I appreciate your apology, but can we talk more about why this happened? I still don’t fully understand.”
- “Thanks for apologizing. I’d like to know more about what was going through your mind when this happened.”
- “Thank you, but I’d like to know what led you to act that way. Can you help me understand?”
- “I can see you’re sorry, but it would help me if you could explain why things unfolded the way they did.”
- “I hear your apology, but I’m still confused about what you were thinking at the time. Could you help me understand”
- “I hear your apology, but I’m still trying to figure out why it happened the way it did. Could we discuss it more?”
- “I appreciate the apology, but I’m still unclear on what led you to that decision. Could you clarify it for me?”
- “Thank you for apologizing, but can we talk about what happened more in depth? I’m still not sure I get it.”
4. Set Boundaries
If the apology is not enough to fully heal, setting boundaries can help protect your emotional well-being.
These examples help communicate what you need to feel safe and respected, making it clear that while you may accept the apology, certain changes are necessary for the relationship to continue in a healthy way:
- “I appreciate your apology, but moving forward, I need more honesty in our conversations.”
- “I hear your apology, but in order to move forward, I need to feel respected in this relationship.”
- “I appreciate your apology, but I need to be clear that certain behaviors, like raising your voice, aren’t acceptable to me.”
- “I hear your apology, but for our relationship to improve, I need you to respect my time and commitments.”
- “I appreciate your apology, but I need to know that you’ll make an effort to communicate more respectfully from now on.”
- “I hear your apology, but I want to make it clear that certain actions, like being dismissive of my feelings, won’t be tolerated again.”
5. Give Yourself Time
If you are not ready to forgive or move on, it is okay to ask for time to reflect.
These examples allow you to honor the other person’s apology while giving yourself the necessary time and space to reflect on your feelings, ensuring you respond thoughtfully and authentically.
- “I hear your apology, but I’m not sure how I feel yet. I need a little time to figure it out.”
- “Thank you for apologizing, but I need some space for a while to process everything.”
- “I hear your apology, but I’m still hurt, and it’s going to take some time for me to heal.”
- “I appreciate the apology, but I’m not ready to move on just yet. I need a bit of space to reflect.”
- “Thanks, but I’m not ready to give a response yet – I need a few days to think about it.”
- “I hear your apology, and I appreciate it, but I need a little time before I can talk about this further.”
- “I appreciate your apology, but I’m not ready to talk about it right now. I need some time to think.”
- “I appreciate you saying sorry, but I need some time to process everything before I can fully respond.”
- “Thank you for apologizing. I need some time to decide how I feel about everything that’s happened.”
- “I appreciate the apology, but I need to step back for a while to process what happened and how I feel.”
- “This hurt me deeply, and I need some time to sort through my emotions.”
- “Thanks for apologizing. I’m still feeling upset, and I think I need some time to be alone and think things through.”
6. Forgive, If You Are Ready.
Should you accept apology?
Accepting an apology and forgiving someone who has hurt you is a powerful act of healing, both for yourself and the relationship.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened or dismissing your feelings, but rather letting go of resentment and choosing to move forward with a renewed sense of understanding.
When you are ready to forgive him/her, expressing it can bring closure and signal a commitment to healing the relationship.
Examples of accepting an apology with grace:
- “I forgive you. Let’s work on moving forward from this together.”
- “Thank you for apologizing. I forgive you, and I believe we can move past this.”
- “I appreciate your honesty and forgive you. It’s time to move on from this.”
- “I forgive you. I know we all make mistakes, and I’m ready to put this behind us.”
- “I appreciate your apology, and I forgive you. Let’s try to learn from this and grow.”
- “I forgive you. It took me some time, but I’m ready to move forward with a clean slate.”
- “I forgive you. It hurts, but I value our relationship and want to move forward with trust.”
- “I forgive you. I’m ready to let go of what happened and work on rebuilding our connection.”
- “I accept your apology and forgive you. Let’s focus on how we can improve things from here.”
- “I’ve thought about it, and I forgive you. Let’s use this experience to strengthen our relationship.”
It is important to be truthful and stay honest about where you stand emotionally, even if you have accepted the apology.
Examples:
- “I accept your apology, but I want you to know that I felt really disrespected in that moment.”
- “I accept your apology, but I need to be clear that if this happens again, I’ll have to distance myself.”
- “Thank you for apologizing. I forgive you, but I need to take a step back from our friendship for a while.”
7. Accepting an Apology but Not Forgiving
What to say when someone apologizes but you are not ready to forgive them yet?
While an apology may show the other person’s willingness to take responsibility, it does not automatically erase the pain or restore trust. In some situations, accepting the apology acknowledges their effort, but forgiveness takes time and deeper reflection.
It is okay to separate the two – accepting the apology as a step forward, while giving yourself the space to heal at your own pace.
These examples help you acknowledge his/her apology without forcing forgiveness, allowing space for your healing process to unfold naturally.
- “I appreciate your apology, but I’m not ready to forgive yet. I still need time to heal.”
- “Thank you for apologizing. I accept it, but I’m not at a place where I can forgive just yet.”
- “I accept your apology, but I can’t forgive right now. I need to work through my emotions first.”
- “I hear your apology, and I accept it, but I’m still hurt. I’m not ready to forgive at this moment.”
- “I appreciate the apology, and I’m willing to move forward, but forgiveness will take some time.”
- “I can accept your apology, but I’m still processing everything. Forgiveness will come in its own time.”
- “I appreciate your apology, but I can’t offer forgiveness at this point. I need more time and space to heal.”
- “Thank you for apologizing. I accept it, but I’m not ready to forgive, and I hope you can understand that.”
8. Rejecting Apology
Rejecting an apology can be a difficult but necessary decision, especially when the hurt caused runs deep or the apology feels insincere.
Sometimes, words alone aren’t enough to heal the damage done, and moving forward requires more than a simple “I’m sorry.
These examples allow you to communicate that the apology, while heard, does not resolve the hurt or issue at hand, and more time, reflection, or actions are required before you can consider acceptance.
- “I appreciate your apology, but I’m not ready to accept it right now.”
- “I hear your apology, but I don’t feel ready to move forward with you just yet.”
- “Thank you for apologizing, but I’m not able to accept your apology at this time.”
- “I’m not ready to accept your apology. What happened has affected me too deeply.”
- “I hear your apology, but it doesn’t change how hurt I feel, and I can’t accept it right now.”
- “I understand that you are sorry, but I don’t think an apology is enough to fix this situation.”
- “Thank you for apologizing, but I can’t accept it because I don’t feel that the apology is sincere.”
- “I’m glad you apologized, but I don’t think I can accept it. I need more than words to feel better about this.”
- “I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t believe I can accept your apology at this point. Too much has been damaged.”
Research Studies Regarding Apologies and Forgiveness
Research into the dynamics of apologies and forgiveness reveals several key insights into how people respond when someone apologizes for causing hurt.
Studies show that the effectiveness of an apology often depends on its components, such as expressing empathy, acknowledging wrongdoing, and offering compensation.
For example, research by Fehr and Gelfand (2010) found that matching these components to the recipient’s personality and relationship style is crucial. Those who value empathy tend to forgive when the apology is heartfelt.
In more intimate relationships, forgiveness is often influenced by the depth of connection and shared experiences.
Apologies that address emotional needs, express genuine remorse, and acknowledge the harm done are more likely to be accepted, though the process of forgiveness can still be slow and complex.
Furthermore, forgiveness might be driven by both internal motivations, such as a desire for emotional peace, and external pressures, such as maintaining social harmony.
