When someone repeatedly cancels plans with you, it can feel frustrating, disappointing, and even hurtful.
These repeated cancellations can leave you questioning your own boundaries and the strength of the relationship – whether it is a friend, colleague, or family member.
Knowing how to respond with honesty and grace is important for maintaining your self-respect while giving the other person a chance to communicate their side.
This guide covers effective ways to address a friend or someone who keeps canceling on you, from straightforward responses to setting boundaries that can protect your time and emotional energy.
What To Say to Someone Who Keeps Canceling on You
When someone regularly gets out of plans (especially if last minute), it not only disrupts your schedule but can also make you question the value of the relationship.
However, there are various reasons why someone might cancel frequently. Life can be hectic, and unexpected issues do arise. Sometimes, people genuinely struggle with overcommitting, or they may be dealing with personal issues that are hard for them to discuss.
It is essential to communicate clearly so you can understand their side, express your feelings, and determine the best way forward.
Here are some tips on how to reply with the right words:
1. Assess the Situation and Your Feelings
As Stephen Covey says, “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”.
Before you confront the person, take some time to understand about these repeated cancellations.
Consider if the person has a pattern of canceling with others as well. This can give you insight into whether this behavior is unique to your relationship or a general habit.
While either situation can be frustrating, understanding the broader context can help frame the conversation more objectively.
2. Choose the Right Time and Setting
Timing is crucial when addressing a sensitive topic.
Avoid discussing your concerns when you are feeling angry or triggered by cancelled plans, as this can lead to a heated conversation. Wait for a moment when you are both calm and able to engage openly.
Ideally, you should have this discussion face-to-face or over a phone call, as text messages can sometimes lead to misunderstandings.
3. Start with Empathy
How do you reply to someone who keeps cancelling?
Opening the conversation with empathy can make the other person more receptive to your feelings.
Start by acknowledging that you understand life can be unpredictable and that you know they may not mean to disappoint you. For instance:
- “I know things come up and life can get busy, and I get that things happen. I just wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind.”
By showing empathy, you are letting them know that you are not attacking them. Instead, you are inviting them into a conversation where you can both share your perspectives.
4. Express Your Feelings Clearly
The key to any good conversation is clarity.
Avoid using accusations or language that could put the other person on the defensive. Focus on “I” statements that describe how their actions make you feel.
Here are a few ways to frame it:
- “I feel disappointed when plans are canceled at the last minute because I look forward to our time together.”
- “I know things can change, but when plans are canceled frequently, it makes me feel like my time isn’t valued.”
By focusing on your feelings rather than their behavior, you are less likely to make them feel attacked, which can help keep the conversation constructive.
5. Ask for Clarity on Their Commitment
Sometimes, people commit to plans they are not actually able to follow through on.
Politely ask the person if they are genuinely interested in continuing to make plans with you. This can help you understand their priorities and gauge how they see the relationship.
Examples of what to say when plans get cancelled:
- “I’d love to keep spending time together, but I want to make sure our plans are something we are both really committed to. If your schedule is hectic, maybe we can plan for times that are more certain or flexible for both of us.”
This invites them to reflect on their own level of commitment and be more realistic about what they can promise.
6. Suggest Solutions Together
Someone who always cancels plans is called “chronic bailer”.
Sometimes, finding a compromise with them can resolve the issue. If their cancellations are due to a busy schedule or other obligations, suggest adjusting the way you make plans. For examples:
– Flexible Plans: Propose a more flexible approach where you have tentative plans that can be confirmed closer to the time.
– Time and Place Adjustments: Offer to meet them in a location or at a time that may be easier for them to accommodate.
– Shorter Hangouts: If they have trouble committing to long gatherings, suggest shorter meet-ups that are easier to fit in.
By suggesting solutions, you are showing a willingness to make the relationship work and giving them a chance to meet you halfway.
7. Set Boundaries if Needed
If someone continues to flake on you by giving various excuses to get out of plans despite your conversation, it may be time to establish boundaries. Letting them know how you plan to handle future cancellations can protect your time and energy.
Example of word for someone who always cancels plans:
- “I totally understand that things come up. But going forward, if you need to cancel, I’d appreciate it if you could let me know as early as possible. That way, I can plan my day around it.”
If they still cancel last-minute despite this, you could take it a step further:
- “I’m finding it difficult to keep making plans that end up being canceled. Let’s only plan get-togethers when you are sure you are available. Otherwise, let’s keep things spontaneous.”
Setting boundaries is not about punishing the other person; it’s about respecting your time and prioritizing your own well-being.
What To Do When Someone Always Cancels On You
Being canceled on repeatedly can stir up a range of emotions, especially if he / she has cancelled multiple times in a row.
At its core, repeatedly hearing excuses to get out of plans with you can feel like a sign of disregard for your energy, emotional investment, and valuable time for last-minute changes.
Even worse, it hurts if you find out that the friend cancelled on you for someone else, because you feel de-prioritized.
Each time a person bails on you without considering the impact it has, it can feel like a hit to your self-worth. Over time, repeated canceling can strain even the closest relationships and erode trust.
8. Decide on the Future of the Relationship
If cancellations continue to happen, it is worth re-evaluating the relationship.
Sometimes, frequent cancelations can indicate that someone is not able or willing to prioritize the relationship as much as you are.
Be honest with yourself about whether this relationship is worth maintaining or if it is causing more frustration than fulfillment.
If you feel that the relationship is no longer mutually beneficial, you might consider stepping back or letting the person know that you need to invest your time in more dependable and worthy connections.
9. Reflect on Your Own Needs and Values
Lastly, reflect on what you truly need from your relationships and friendships.
Knowing your own values and boundaries helps you connect with people who respect and prioritize you.
Prioritize people who make an effort to be part of your life, and remember that relationships should feel balanced and fulfilling, not one-sided.
Quotes for Someone Who Keeps Canceling
Here are some quotes about chronic bailer who keep canceling plans, range from funny and sarcastic to thoughtful and introspective, providing a mix of insights on dealing with unreliable people.
Choose the one that resonates most or makes you smile!
- “Commitment is an act, not a word.” — Jean-Paul Sartre
- “If someone keeps canceling on you, they’re just not that into you.” — Greg Behrendt
- “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule but to schedule your priorities.” — Stephen Covey
- “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone who no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.” — Robert Tew
- “You’re the ghoster, and I’m the haunted.”
- “It’s called a ‘commitment,’ not a ‘maybe-I’ll-show-up.’”
- “Just cancel your cancellation with me and call it even.”
- “Don’t make time for people who don’t respect your time.”
- “Excuses mean little when actions are nowhere to be seen.”
- “Hey, I’m starting to think canceling on me is your new hobby.”
- “Are you avoiding me, or are you just practicing to be a ghost?”
- “I’d say we should hang out, but you’d probably cancel anyway.”
- “If you can’t keep small promises, you’ll never keep the big ones.”
- “It’s okay to walk away from people who keep wasting your time.”
- “If canceling plans was an Olympic sport, you’d have a gold medal.”
- “You cancel so much, I feel like I’m talking to my gym membership.”
- “Thank you for canceling; I was worried I’d actually have to socialize.”
- “Trust is built when someone is consistent in their words and actions.”
- “Actions prove who someone is; words just prove who they want to be.”
- “Some people are amazing at making excuses rather than commitments.”
- “People make time for what they want. Let their absence be your answer.”
- “A promise means everything, but once it is broken, sorry means nothing.”
- “I’d pencil you in, but I need something stronger, like a permanent marker.”
- “Your time is precious. Invest it in people who are willing to spend theirs with you.”
- “Love yourself enough to leave space only for those who fill it with joy and presence.”
- “Real relationships don’t require constant scheduling and canceling; they just happen.”
- “It’s not about having time; it’s about making time. If it matters, you will make the time.”
- “You cancel plans with me one more time, and I’m signing you up for a pyramid scheme.”
- “People with good intentions make promises, but people with good character keep them.”
- “When someone keeps canceling, they’re teaching you what they prioritize. Believe them.”
- “Being unreliable is like showing up to every conversation with an invisible ‘maybe’ in your pocket.”
- “Sometimes it’s best to leave people who cancel on you repeatedly; they’re just training you to get used to their absence.”
- “If you don’t want to hang out, just let me know! Don’t keep me in suspense like I’m waiting for the next season of my favorite show.”
Dealing with Chronic Bailer Who Regularly Gets Out of Plans
When someone keeps canceling plans, it is natural to feel hurt or disrespected.
Open communication, empathy, and clear boundaries can help address the issue while keeping the conversation respectful.
By expressing your feelings and setting healthy limits, you are taking steps to protect your time and energy, fostering relationships that are supportive, respectful, and truly fulfilling.
Remember, you deserve relationships where your time and presence are genuinely valued.
